Reclaiming the Word "Divorce"

Lately I'm really into reclaiming negative words, spinning them with a positive connotation instead. I think this started when my friend Eliza and I both coincidentally wore red for a night on the town. "That's OK," Eliza said. "We'll just call ourselves the Scarlet Bitches." "But I don't want to be a Bitch," I exclaimed. Eliza responded that we were reclaiming the word to indicate we are strong, intelligent women and not that we are mean and snarky (which we are not - I hope). I just realized I could do an entire posting about the word "Bitch" because it really makes me mad when strong, intelligent MEN are called "leaders" and strong, intelligent WOMEN are called "bitches" (think Hillary Clinton). What's up with that double standard? Anyways, Eliza and I took Polk street by storm that night, reclaiming the word "Bitch" as a random assortment of revelers fell over themselves buying us drinks.

To get to the point, the most negative word in my life right now is the word "divorce." Because that is something I am going through (along with 50% of the U.S. population apparently). The handsome man of my dreams became the pyschopath of my nightmares. I was happy simply to have survived the union, but continued to struggle with the shame of having made such a stupid choice in a partner and the stigma of my upcoming "divorce." In an effort to make myself feel better, I am reclaiming the word "divorce." When I refer to that word in the future, I will hereafter be referring to my "ultimate learning experience." Because if anything positive came out of my short-lived marriage, it is that I now know exactly what I want in an intimate partner.... and that is exactly the OPPOSITE of my soon-to-be "ex husband" (or as I prefer to call him, "the Psycho").

The result of my "divorce" (aka ultimate learning experience) is that in the future I will be absolutely sure to only date men who meet the following criteria:

1. Not a pyscho
2. Not a narcissist
3. Not prone to fits of rage or violence
4. Not mentally or physically abusive
5. Not a cheater
6. Not a liar
7. Not a spendthrift/carrying significant debt/unable to support himself
8. Not obsessed with working out and looking at himself in the mirror (also see #2 above)
9. Not selfish in bed
10. Not a tea-totaler
11. Not a fundamental conservative
12. Not a clone of his parents (i.e.,must be an independent thinker)
13. Not adverse to or incapable of intellectual discussion and political debate
14. Not a believer in traditional gender roles
15. Not paranoidly jealous
16. Not an obsessive neat freak

I could go on and on, but I think these are the main features of "the Psycho" that were simply intolerable (to me). So thank you "divorce" - you have made me learn so much. My "divorce" might just be the best thing that ever happened to me. I am reclaiming the word!

And if you know any eligible bachelors who meet the above criteria - please be sure to send them my way!